October 14, 2011

The Math Bug

In class learning math one fine sunny day,
I was wishing school was over so I could go out and play.
Struggling with numbers and facts and such -
addition and subtraction – it was all just too much!
Suddenly I heard a voice from way down below,
“I see you are struggling friend – what is troubling you so?!?”
I looked under my desk and there on the rug,
stood a tiny, nerdtastic, mathematical bug.
“My name’s Jeff!” the bug said as he jumped on my arm,
“I’m here to help you and I mean you no harm!”
“I love to do math and I can help you today.”
“So you can finish this work and go out and play!”
“Let me see, let me see…” he said as he looked at my test,
“One plus one equals two??? Surely you jest!”
“This world is too large for such an answer as that!”
said the tiny, nerdtastic, mathematical gnat.
He jumped off my arm, scooped up my pen,
and wrote out the answer: five thousand, two hundred, eleventy-ten.
“That’s better!  That’s great!” Jeff yelled out with pride.
“Now let’s tackle the rest!” the tiny bug cried.
“Two plus two? Two plus two?  Hmm, this could be tough.”
“But I have been known to be good at this stuff.”
“Some people would say that the answer is four…”
“But you and I both know that it has to be more.”
Jeff scribbled and scratched at the paper for me,
then he wrote that the sum was a bazillion and three.
"What's next? Three plus three?  Oh dear, oh dear!"
"A problem like this might take me all year!"
But the bug thought and thought and then shouted out with a laugh
"Oh I should've known - the answer is thirty six gajillion... and a half!"
“Now what? Four plus four?!?  That’s a trick question, can’t you see?”
The tiny bug laughed and shouted with glee.
“Your teacher might tell you that the answer is eight.”
“You’re so lucky I’m here to set the record straight!”
Jeff wrote and he wrote. And then loudly declared,
“The answer to this one is fourteen point seven plus X… squared.”
“This is so easy! So Simple! At math, I’m the best!”
And then as quick as a wink, he finished my test.
Then with a tip of his hat, Jeff jumped back down on the floor.
He ran down the aisle and right out the door...
Now if a small bug ever offers to finish your quiz,
Tell him "NO" dear friend – for he is no math wiz.
Because of that tiny, nerdtastic, mathematical Jeff –
The grade on my test that day was a big, fat “F”.

copyright © 2011 Kevin Routh


  1. This bug was no good. Math is a hard enough subject without a bug in it O_o

    I Like your poems with bug characters.

  2. love your math bug piece, well done.

  3. math bug this one is so fun. I love math and when I was in school everyone tried to cheat off my tests. One day the teacher got wise to this one and he gave me a different test than the rest of the class and the ones who cheated off me got their big fat F this one was so funny well done

  4. hahaha, that's a riot! what a rollicking enjoyable read.

    i could do with some help like that bug. :)

  5. Haha, I love it! What a whimsical tale. I've learned to be wary of anyone with the name "Jeff"--whether or not they are a nerdtastic mathematical bug ;)

  6. Very nice. Not only did I get an F but "Does not pay attention in class," "Runs with scissors," and my all time favorite, "Does not use time wisely."

    But then I am a writer and an artist and calculators do math.

    Loved your poem.

  7. I think this might be my favourite.
    I love that nerdtasic mathematical Jeff
    even if he earned you a grade that was F.


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